I have to remember that parting ways is often more permanent than I would prefer it. We're talking about between friends, lovers, and everything in between.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you just can't bridge gaps. What remains to comfort in light of this fact, is that new bridges will naturally form with time.
There are so many things I would like to say to so many people I once knew, but will never get the chance. Too bad. Then again, there are things to be said to people I'm still in touch with, but can't just because of social restrictions. I'll just have to say it all here. However, as no clues will be offered to who the people are, this is a one time shot. Once said, even I may forget who the point was referenced to.
Person 1. I hate recalling the things you did, but could never do without the lessons I learned from them. You meant well, but fell so short being a mostly good memory. I love what I gained from you, but hate how I had to gain it. Let's not mention too clearly how I'm also ashamed of recalling some of my own actions here.
Person 2. I'm glad I met you. You showed me that flaws exist even in the people I initially see as flawless. You also showed me that even the best intentions may go un-acted without proper aggression. We may never grow close, but I'm definitely open to it.
Person 3. You were my biggest childhood influence, yet when I see snippets of you and your personality now I'm glad we never connected the dots. From what little I've come across, you haven't changed that much, I just see things through a different lens.
Person 4. My friend, what happened? It's a shame that things had to come to a close with such an apparent lack of interest on your part. Especially considering how much fun we once had. I will remain open to the future possibilities, though I wouldn't hold my breath. Hope all is well anyway.
Person 5. She's no good for the you that I know you could be, but perhaps that's no longer--scratch that, never was important. You've always been pretty closed off, which makes being upset with you a little difficult, but maybe that doesn't matter either. I hope you don't screw yourself in the long run.
Person 6. I'm impressed with you. It took some time, but in my eyes you've come a long way. I look forward to seeing your progress for many years to come.
Person 7. You really helped me during a hard time. Thanks, and I hope we keep in touch for a long time to come.
Person 8. You were crazy. As much as I hated having known you, you were still a required, albeit lowly, first step to getting where I am now. For the record, I harbor no more ill feelings towards you, but it's still a shame the way you turned out.
Person 9 & 10. For the both of you, a part of me will probably wonder for the next few years what could have been. But it's a very small part of me. 9. you became really cold real fast, which I really dislike about our culture. Pisses me off actually. Though I will say I don't really see another way to have done it. 10. Hope all is going well and will proceed to do so.
Person 11. I think you were my first misstep in the ways of "love." You were always pretty hot which made realizing the mistake of passing you up that much more painful. But what you did those few years later wasn't very cool. Like 9. that was pretty lame. But whatever, I can't blame the majority of your gender for having no balls. After all, that I suppose is what makes things work.
Person 12. In terms of what I have always sought, I was so incredibly lucky to have met you. I can't wait to see what you grow into, and to be there along the way.
Person 13. I'm sorry we couldn't do more. If there are a few people that I have long-term hopes to re-establish contact with, you would be one of them.
Person 14. You, like 13. I hope to re-establish regular touch with some day, but perhaps more so. I am fondest of you, out of the group you came from.
Person 15. I'm glad you turned me down, but I want to acknowledge that you were still one of the few people I could be near completely frank with, and whose I respected understanding I very much respected.
Person 16. If there was ever a person I wronged unjustly, you were it. What I did was unfair to you and I am completely ashamed of what an ass I was. I will tell you the extent of my shallowness. You simply shared the name of someone I had a crush on, and so your "lack of a face" made it easy for me to transfer my interest onto you. Unfortunately this built fantasy expectations and I think you understand what happened from the point of our first meeting. I'm so sorry. Faceless commitments were a mistake I never made again.
Person 17. You're basically like 3. but a little shorter termed. I'll be wondering for a while what could have happened if I took you up on that offer to go for a ride, but certainly not too hard. Seeing you now confirms that it turned out for the better. You like 3 seem to not have the kind of quality of character I'm looking for.
Person 18. Mom. Someone so flawed, yet still so special. I can only refer to you as a Mom. I owe you so much, and will probably always fall short of what is due but I just want you to know how much I am in your debt. Thank you so much for being the backbone of my existence.
Group no. 1 Thanks for allowing me to stay with you for the while that you did. I was kind of a stranger and eventually bailed, so I just want you to know I appreciated your hospitality. From what I can tell, you've all turned into swell individuals.
Group no. 2. Some of you were super shallow and really exclusive, especially when the whole group came together.
Many Nights DTC.
Addison.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Back to thinking...
It's finally time to add some pure thoughts to this blog, which I haven't done in a while.
A long ways away from where I live, a man-made disaster has basically rocked the Gulf of Mexico. But that doesn't stop me from being deeply troubled by the gargantuan oil spill. I wonder if its builders knew back then, that the Deepwater Horizon would eventually be the virtual undoing of the Gulf's ecosystem/economy.
Here's what troubles me most. There is a huge population of people who only give a damn about how this'll affect their "way of life" or their "pocket books." It's the people who don't even bat an eye to all the loss of natural life to the slick, and go whining about their jobs. I hope there's no issue with my use of the word natural. I've discussed our society's form of "economic growth" before, and this kind of mindset is only another example of its existence: the cost our environment has to pay is of no consequence as long as we maintain our "way of life."
My sympathy goes out to those whose lives were changed by the slick, but I reserve some of it from those who are selfish pricks.
I don't know, what decision I'll come to in the future, but as of right now, I can't see it being justifiably fair to have a child. Especially when the only purpose of this would be to further my own genetic code. There are plenty of people who need a home and are already born. What greater purpose could having my "own" child serve? This is old hat though...
Moving on. I considered recently moving into the video journal format and decided against it, for now. My primary reason? Lack of ambiguity. Words allow for a much larger play of imagination to take place when breaking down meaning. Second reason? Structural integrity. This reason comes faaaar after the first, but I just don't appreciate video's lack of versatility very much. Plus I get this feeling it's a little more easily corruptible. So for now, text rules the day.
Anyway, that's enough for me at the moment.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison.
A long ways away from where I live, a man-made disaster has basically rocked the Gulf of Mexico. But that doesn't stop me from being deeply troubled by the gargantuan oil spill. I wonder if its builders knew back then, that the Deepwater Horizon would eventually be the virtual undoing of the Gulf's ecosystem/economy.
Here's what troubles me most. There is a huge population of people who only give a damn about how this'll affect their "way of life" or their "pocket books." It's the people who don't even bat an eye to all the loss of natural life to the slick, and go whining about their jobs. I hope there's no issue with my use of the word natural. I've discussed our society's form of "economic growth" before, and this kind of mindset is only another example of its existence: the cost our environment has to pay is of no consequence as long as we maintain our "way of life."
My sympathy goes out to those whose lives were changed by the slick, but I reserve some of it from those who are selfish pricks.
I don't know, what decision I'll come to in the future, but as of right now, I can't see it being justifiably fair to have a child. Especially when the only purpose of this would be to further my own genetic code. There are plenty of people who need a home and are already born. What greater purpose could having my "own" child serve? This is old hat though...
Moving on. I considered recently moving into the video journal format and decided against it, for now. My primary reason? Lack of ambiguity. Words allow for a much larger play of imagination to take place when breaking down meaning. Second reason? Structural integrity. This reason comes faaaar after the first, but I just don't appreciate video's lack of versatility very much. Plus I get this feeling it's a little more easily corruptible. So for now, text rules the day.
Anyway, that's enough for me at the moment.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Hello My Pretty!
Haven't written in a while, so I figured I'd just throw in some words.
What ho, ask you? Well, lately I've taken up a new exercising program that's really changed my daily lifestyle. It's called P90X, and for the last 2 weeks it's been kicking my ass. Boy was it needed too. Within 5 days I lost a recently gained belt notch which is great, and since I've been losing more and more of the extra weight I've put around the mid section, and even around my face. I was definitely starting to dislike the changes happening in my mirror image so this program couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm basically almost back to where I've been most of my life and in some cases better!
Moving on. I'm super excited about one thing coming soon. The Last Airbender!!! I have such high hopes for that movie. Go Aang!
Okay enough of that. This is just a quick update. For now, that's all but I'll be back! Amazing how such a simple phrase can become so iconic.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison
What ho, ask you? Well, lately I've taken up a new exercising program that's really changed my daily lifestyle. It's called P90X, and for the last 2 weeks it's been kicking my ass. Boy was it needed too. Within 5 days I lost a recently gained belt notch which is great, and since I've been losing more and more of the extra weight I've put around the mid section, and even around my face. I was definitely starting to dislike the changes happening in my mirror image so this program couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm basically almost back to where I've been most of my life and in some cases better!
Moving on. I'm super excited about one thing coming soon. The Last Airbender!!! I have such high hopes for that movie. Go Aang!
Okay enough of that. This is just a quick update. For now, that's all but I'll be back! Amazing how such a simple phrase can become so iconic.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
So Much to Do and So Little Time to Say It.
So it's been ages since my last post. Well, other than that comic con link, which isn't really a post.
Let's get to business. Not much in terms of philosophy here to dish out. What I've been doing lately includes teaching myself Spanish, a new exercise regiment, and writing (boy do I have a story for this one).
Spanish is pretty straight forward. I want to learn it. Being it is my third time learning it, I'm hoping my desire for it, rather than the prerequisites that it fulfilled, will be the deciding factor in whether or not it sticks this time.
With the new exercise regiment, it's a 90 day deal which puts me to a 50min avg workout everyday, and has thus far kicked my ass. Within 4 days I've lost 1 belt notch, which puts me back to where I was most of my life--I wasn't that bad. I'm sure most of that notch was water weight, but I'm also sure at least a good portion of it was fat.
As for the writing. Well now...something I never saw myself doing is now something I'm near obsessed with. I say this with some reluctance, a whole lot of humility, and yet with a security in the knowledge that no one actually reads this blog...yet. I'm actually writing an erotica.
What do I consider "an erotica?" Well to paraphrase that without a euphemism, Erotica is essentially written porn. The internet is filled with porn but my problem with the majority of it is that it's simply trash. I know, I know: One man's trash... My point is I think it's trashy. With videos you get really aggressive/impersonal sex acts and girls I don't find attractive. Literature does away with the "unattractive girl" problem, as it leaves her looks up to my imagination. The trash on the other-hand, is still there to sift through; however, this is basically why I've decided to pick up setting my-own standard. My efforts are put into making it sexy (now there's a word I almost never use) as well as classy. In my head, that translates to a storyline that revolves around the sex, equally to sex that revolves around the story. Additionally, none of my characters keep to the over abundance of foul language used in most porn, written or "visual."
Now, don't get me wrong: this is still porn, so there will be a presence of cocks, cunts (I don't so much like the P word, but will occasionally use it due to the audience I'm writing for), and cumming in the story. That aside, I do everything I can to make this fantasy girl someone I could crush on if I am a reader, let alone if I lived in that reality. There is a certain kind and degree of a fetish involved (one must take care in how the word "fetish" is interpreted here, as I very deliberately use it with ambiguity), so it's not just simple couplings/flirtation, as that's too normal and in my eyes defeats the purpose of "fiction." With all of this considered, I think it's coming out to be quite the standout kind of erotic fiction, relatively speaking. We'll see how it's received by an audience once it's done.
Boy am I gonna get flack for this hobby if this blog ever gets read.
Before I go, I'd like to concede to not having learned my lesson from earlier, which is to put a little more effort into focusing myself and my development. It's a small tsk tsk on me, but right now I'm doing what feels right, and I'm happy with it so I'm gonna leave this at that.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison.
Let's get to business. Not much in terms of philosophy here to dish out. What I've been doing lately includes teaching myself Spanish, a new exercise regiment, and writing (boy do I have a story for this one).
Spanish is pretty straight forward. I want to learn it. Being it is my third time learning it, I'm hoping my desire for it, rather than the prerequisites that it fulfilled, will be the deciding factor in whether or not it sticks this time.
With the new exercise regiment, it's a 90 day deal which puts me to a 50min avg workout everyday, and has thus far kicked my ass. Within 4 days I've lost 1 belt notch, which puts me back to where I was most of my life--I wasn't that bad. I'm sure most of that notch was water weight, but I'm also sure at least a good portion of it was fat.
As for the writing. Well now...something I never saw myself doing is now something I'm near obsessed with. I say this with some reluctance, a whole lot of humility, and yet with a security in the knowledge that no one actually reads this blog...yet. I'm actually writing an erotica.
What do I consider "an erotica?" Well to paraphrase that without a euphemism, Erotica is essentially written porn. The internet is filled with porn but my problem with the majority of it is that it's simply trash. I know, I know: One man's trash... My point is I think it's trashy. With videos you get really aggressive/impersonal sex acts and girls I don't find attractive. Literature does away with the "unattractive girl" problem, as it leaves her looks up to my imagination. The trash on the other-hand, is still there to sift through; however, this is basically why I've decided to pick up setting my-own standard. My efforts are put into making it sexy (now there's a word I almost never use) as well as classy. In my head, that translates to a storyline that revolves around the sex, equally to sex that revolves around the story. Additionally, none of my characters keep to the over abundance of foul language used in most porn, written or "visual."
Now, don't get me wrong: this is still porn, so there will be a presence of cocks, cunts (I don't so much like the P word, but will occasionally use it due to the audience I'm writing for), and cumming in the story. That aside, I do everything I can to make this fantasy girl someone I could crush on if I am a reader, let alone if I lived in that reality. There is a certain kind and degree of a fetish involved (one must take care in how the word "fetish" is interpreted here, as I very deliberately use it with ambiguity), so it's not just simple couplings/flirtation, as that's too normal and in my eyes defeats the purpose of "fiction." With all of this considered, I think it's coming out to be quite the standout kind of erotic fiction, relatively speaking. We'll see how it's received by an audience once it's done.
Boy am I gonna get flack for this hobby if this blog ever gets read.
Before I go, I'd like to concede to not having learned my lesson from earlier, which is to put a little more effort into focusing myself and my development. It's a small tsk tsk on me, but right now I'm doing what feels right, and I'm happy with it so I'm gonna leave this at that.
Many Nights DTC,
Addison.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Speechless.
Okay, maybe not speechless so much as there isn't much to say here.
Really, I just wanted a record of this. Hot girls in video game/comic book attire.
But it's been a while since I've put anything up. Something is definitely coming soon.
Really, I just wanted a record of this. Hot girls in video game/comic book attire.
But it's been a while since I've put anything up. Something is definitely coming soon.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Enough is enough.
Over the last half-year I've put too many things I love aside in the name of making money. However, I've been slowly resuming "me-time" again, and it feels great. Though one important part of my life is still absent from the picture...writing.
Blogs aren't good enough. They're great as a time capsule, but lack in spirit what I love about writing: Detachment.
There's 1 ugly problem to face though: things are too stable for me right now. For whatever reason creativity thrives in strife, and I've finally come to a point where I lack hardships. It's a hard thing to admit, but it's true.
Now, that's not to say things are easy for me, or that I'm living affluently...it's just that I've adapted to my new income to a point where I'm getting by on very little. My monthly "free spending" limit is $120.00, pretty small if I do say so myself. It's quite liberating in truth, but because all my essentials are being met, the hardest part of daily life is not spending past the allotted $120 dollars a month.
I guess the next struggle will be against stability. Pretty ironic I guess, but not surprising. What I need to learn now is how to inspire myself to create again, without the strife that once fueled those particular juices. Tonight I'm going to sit down and write. Here's to hoping it'll be as sweet as it was 9 months ago.
Many Nights DTC
Addison.
Blogs aren't good enough. They're great as a time capsule, but lack in spirit what I love about writing: Detachment.
There's 1 ugly problem to face though: things are too stable for me right now. For whatever reason creativity thrives in strife, and I've finally come to a point where I lack hardships. It's a hard thing to admit, but it's true.
Now, that's not to say things are easy for me, or that I'm living affluently...it's just that I've adapted to my new income to a point where I'm getting by on very little. My monthly "free spending" limit is $120.00, pretty small if I do say so myself. It's quite liberating in truth, but because all my essentials are being met, the hardest part of daily life is not spending past the allotted $120 dollars a month.
I guess the next struggle will be against stability. Pretty ironic I guess, but not surprising. What I need to learn now is how to inspire myself to create again, without the strife that once fueled those particular juices. Tonight I'm going to sit down and write. Here's to hoping it'll be as sweet as it was 9 months ago.
Many Nights DTC
Addison.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Left vs. Right or Left meet Right.
So it's been a while since I posted anything. But lately I've been kind of concerned about a few things, so I want to address one of them with some thoughts.
We live in a suuuuper divisive time right now. It's fairly depressing. I know these folks care about the country, as do I. However, we are unfortunately pitted against each other in a way that guts, are hated, bricks are thrown, and lies are weaved deep.
I am very generally left inclined. A liberal. But that doesn't mean I don't have, but more importantly recognize, any conservative values. Most notably, I believe in a Free Market and Competition. Without getting into an entire article detailing how I define those two terms, I also don't believe that "Free" and "Competition" entails allowing us to tear each other apart with lawyers and money as the weapon. I also recognize the inefficiency our government seems to exemplify. However, I don't think that means we just axe government programs (even the inefficient ones); we need to refine how the system is run (I won't go into the "how" now though as that is another article altogether).
For a long time now, I viewed republicans as the enemy; as the troop out for themselves, not the country; and as the group of people who wouldn't know an education if it fell into the back of their trucks. I mean, I always "knew" there were smart ones out there, but held the view that they were dominated by idiots.
Now I'm trying to refocus my thoughts on that ratio. Not because I don't think there are idiots that belong to the party, but because I don't think it's fair to judge the platform by the most radical voices under it. When I say radical, I don't mean in terms of ideology, I mean in terms of profile; that is to say that extreme idiots don't need to represent the rational thinkers. Here's why I needed to specify "radical." People like Ron Paul exist; and even though I understand his views may be a little extreme, as well as hard-right, I would almost definitely rather see him in office than most of the more mainstream Republicans. Hell, at this point, I'd rather give him a shot than I would many Democrats these days. Why? Because he's not bought, or a bot.
This brings me to the main point of this article. The real enemy is not the Right. Nor is my real ally the Left. The biggest threat to the United States' future actually exists within both parties and has a very secure seat where it lies. This threat is Corporatism. Special Interests. I don't know much about what to do about it, but I pretty firmly believe now that we have more trustworthy people residing in the radically positioned ideologies of either the Left or Right, than we do at the center of the spectrum.
I don't know if there's anything I can actually add at this point to further justify my point, so I'll just leave it there.
Many Nights DTC
Addison.
We live in a suuuuper divisive time right now. It's fairly depressing. I know these folks care about the country, as do I. However, we are unfortunately pitted against each other in a way that guts, are hated, bricks are thrown, and lies are weaved deep.
I am very generally left inclined. A liberal. But that doesn't mean I don't have, but more importantly recognize, any conservative values. Most notably, I believe in a Free Market and Competition. Without getting into an entire article detailing how I define those two terms, I also don't believe that "Free" and "Competition" entails allowing us to tear each other apart with lawyers and money as the weapon. I also recognize the inefficiency our government seems to exemplify. However, I don't think that means we just axe government programs (even the inefficient ones); we need to refine how the system is run (I won't go into the "how" now though as that is another article altogether).
For a long time now, I viewed republicans as the enemy; as the troop out for themselves, not the country; and as the group of people who wouldn't know an education if it fell into the back of their trucks. I mean, I always "knew" there were smart ones out there, but held the view that they were dominated by idiots.
Now I'm trying to refocus my thoughts on that ratio. Not because I don't think there are idiots that belong to the party, but because I don't think it's fair to judge the platform by the most radical voices under it. When I say radical, I don't mean in terms of ideology, I mean in terms of profile; that is to say that extreme idiots don't need to represent the rational thinkers. Here's why I needed to specify "radical." People like Ron Paul exist; and even though I understand his views may be a little extreme, as well as hard-right, I would almost definitely rather see him in office than most of the more mainstream Republicans. Hell, at this point, I'd rather give him a shot than I would many Democrats these days. Why? Because he's not bought, or a bot.
This brings me to the main point of this article. The real enemy is not the Right. Nor is my real ally the Left. The biggest threat to the United States' future actually exists within both parties and has a very secure seat where it lies. This threat is Corporatism. Special Interests. I don't know much about what to do about it, but I pretty firmly believe now that we have more trustworthy people residing in the radically positioned ideologies of either the Left or Right, than we do at the center of the spectrum.
I don't know if there's anything I can actually add at this point to further justify my point, so I'll just leave it there.
Many Nights DTC
Addison.
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