What can I say. This is looking like it's going to be a joyless Christmas for me. Not too unlike the way last Christmas was.
Part of me wants to list the contributing factors to my current mood, but I don't feel like it'll help. I don't feel like reiterating the ugly. That leaves me with a dilemma; I don't know what I do want to say.
I will try making a little fiction.
I live in a world where everyone puts in their bests efforts. Maybe even one where the best efforts are rewarded appropriately. Perhaps by a pretty woman, or even a neutral looking one, named Justice. She is not accustomed to dealing punishments, even though she has the ability to, and she is always working behind the scenes of our very human lives.
Returning back to the world and its people. Thinking is not detested, certainly not ignored for long periods of time. This brings back the notion of everyone giving their best. Absenteeism is certainly not outlawed, but it's a sort of taboo. One where even the embracing of it, can only be accepted with utter awareness of its existence.
Now once lending our eyes to the world behind the scenes of life, we meet a fellow by the name of Chance. He's one to give every man a shot at happiness, independently of other men. Some may take, and some may not, but it must certainly be provided everyone gets to choose, by Chance's standards.
Back to people: men and women. This is a world where each and every one of them accepts what is, and either resists it, or when that's futile (a decision arrived at through preconsideration and good judgment), they embrace the next opportunity. Especially because all of us know Chance is working hard behind the scenes, and eventually he will get to you too. Just as he did before; to you and to many others. Isn't it great, that what comes next is all we need to be happy?
If I lived in such a world, I might die of happiness. Sadness is a healthy emotion to experience. But how long can an absence of happiness (not the same as sadness) be sustained, before sadness becomes one. I have been without happiness for a while now, but I know deep down, I am not the same kind of sad that I once was. Part of me, though, is afraid of the long-term side effects of being empty of happiness...
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Canine Heart Murmur (Conclusion).
I write to finish this article today because yesterday Jack, one of the coolest friends I ever had, is no longer with us in the same way he has been over the last 12 years. He and I had a rocky relationship at first: I downright hated him, and he couldn't care less about me. But I am so happy, and thankful to say that eventually we became as close as brothers.
Lasix and Enalapril were not cures, but they gave us what we needed for Jack: quality extra time. Not much though. We secured his medication on October 7th, give or take a day (my memory on that detail is a little fuzzy), and on November 29th, he left us missing him. At the time, the doctor said the medication would only give him 6 months at most, and they were certainly right on that call.
Lasix was prescribed to rid his lungs of the excess water. The toll they would take was going to be on his kidneys and his liver. Enalapril was going to reduce the size of his heart, and its toll was going to be taken from his liver. Each drug alone would require from him a heavy price; both together meant that this was far from a cure.
The time that passed from the day we got him those meds til today is mostly history, and doesn't really pertain to the point of this article, but I am so thankful for the extra time it bought us. The day after he started his treatment, he perked up and was running around wide-eyed like he was 1 year younger and full of health (trust me, one year younger he was a totally different dog). The cough was gone and Jack was back.
As you can tell this period was short lived, but I have no complaints because the remainder of his life was sweet, and perhaps for another written piece of work. However, I do have advice for anyone looking for these medications. Aside for maybe the first order (if it's an emergency) I would not get your medications directly from the vet. You can get the same medicine for much less money at online pharmacies or at like, a Costco pharmacy. The vets make plenty of money in their other provided services in addition to an already small profit margin from drug prescriptions, so don't worry about any issues with patronage or legitimacy. Attain your drugs from where it's cost effective: that is not the vet.
Events turned south when one day we realized Jack's stomach was abnormally swollen. It was pretty large. One minute was a trim dog, and the next he had a belly. As it was mentioned before, the drugs were going to take a toll on his body, and eventually they did. We took him in to see the doctor for one final checkup. Jack's liver, or his kidneys were failing him, and so all the fluids that would normally be processed through them were backed up in his body. He dealt happily with a big belly for 2 weeks before he finally couldn't lie down and well, that was basically what did him in. The final details of his life will remain private for those of us closest to him, but he was loved by many and passed on more gracefully, and peacefully than I could have dreamed possible.
As a last thread of advice/information, I offer a point of consideration for euthanasia. We knew it was time for final goodbyes when jack was unable to get a good night's sleep, and when his days no longer saw the energy that was the foundation of his personality. Remember that, as their guardian, your pet's comfort is your responsibility. So do your best to keep their well being in mind when deciding on how long to keep them with you, or when to let them go.
I hope these words will be put into a position to help those of us unfortunate enough to be met with a canine heart murmur.
You will be missed buddy, especially by Nico and Mom, but I love you too.
In his passing a part of me dies, but through my life, a part of him will live on.
Lasix and Enalapril were not cures, but they gave us what we needed for Jack: quality extra time. Not much though. We secured his medication on October 7th, give or take a day (my memory on that detail is a little fuzzy), and on November 29th, he left us missing him. At the time, the doctor said the medication would only give him 6 months at most, and they were certainly right on that call.
Lasix was prescribed to rid his lungs of the excess water. The toll they would take was going to be on his kidneys and his liver. Enalapril was going to reduce the size of his heart, and its toll was going to be taken from his liver. Each drug alone would require from him a heavy price; both together meant that this was far from a cure.
The time that passed from the day we got him those meds til today is mostly history, and doesn't really pertain to the point of this article, but I am so thankful for the extra time it bought us. The day after he started his treatment, he perked up and was running around wide-eyed like he was 1 year younger and full of health (trust me, one year younger he was a totally different dog). The cough was gone and Jack was back.
As you can tell this period was short lived, but I have no complaints because the remainder of his life was sweet, and perhaps for another written piece of work. However, I do have advice for anyone looking for these medications. Aside for maybe the first order (if it's an emergency) I would not get your medications directly from the vet. You can get the same medicine for much less money at online pharmacies or at like, a Costco pharmacy. The vets make plenty of money in their other provided services in addition to an already small profit margin from drug prescriptions, so don't worry about any issues with patronage or legitimacy. Attain your drugs from where it's cost effective: that is not the vet.
Events turned south when one day we realized Jack's stomach was abnormally swollen. It was pretty large. One minute was a trim dog, and the next he had a belly. As it was mentioned before, the drugs were going to take a toll on his body, and eventually they did. We took him in to see the doctor for one final checkup. Jack's liver, or his kidneys were failing him, and so all the fluids that would normally be processed through them were backed up in his body. He dealt happily with a big belly for 2 weeks before he finally couldn't lie down and well, that was basically what did him in. The final details of his life will remain private for those of us closest to him, but he was loved by many and passed on more gracefully, and peacefully than I could have dreamed possible.
As a last thread of advice/information, I offer a point of consideration for euthanasia. We knew it was time for final goodbyes when jack was unable to get a good night's sleep, and when his days no longer saw the energy that was the foundation of his personality. Remember that, as their guardian, your pet's comfort is your responsibility. So do your best to keep their well being in mind when deciding on how long to keep them with you, or when to let them go.
I hope these words will be put into a position to help those of us unfortunate enough to be met with a canine heart murmur.
You will be missed buddy, especially by Nico and Mom, but I love you too.
In his passing a part of me dies, but through my life, a part of him will live on.
Canine Heart Murmur (part 2).
Parts 1 and two of this entry were started on October 7th, 2009.
I'm going to take this moment to digress a bit. To this day, I think back and figure I can pinpoint the time when Jack began to notice, or at least feel the effects of his heart murmur. Since he was young, every fourth of July, Jack would come into whatever room I was in and basically hide for protection. For whatever reason he thought I was going to protect him from the booming sky. Between my mom and me, I was the safety zone whenever something really scared him. He didn't scare that often though. However, not long after he was diagnosed with it, Jack began to come into my room uncharacteristically, and crawl into my bed space where he would hide for some time. My guess is that whatever discomfort he was feeling by the changes in his body, brought him to me, looking for help, or protection.
Well they either screwed up, or his condition rapidly, and I mean rapidly worsened. Within a week that cough became regular, very pronounced, and even attained the telltale sound that indicated fluid was now an issue. By this point his daily energy had already been slowly declining, but a supplement (called The Missing Link by Designing Health, Inc.) had temporarily reversed that pattern; when the fluid hit his lungs, he would get the zombie nod (where his head would bob, eyes half closed), his energy level shot into the floor.
Additionally, since his murmur's onset, his rib cage has gotten wider and he quickly lost muscle mass, causing his bones to protrude more. You see, when the heart loses efficiency, it has to work harder to meet its quota of keeping the body alive; as a result of the constant overworking the heart does to compensate, it swells to an abnormal size and from this a whole bunch of problems arise. I'm not a doctor, but I assume as your heart falls behind in its task of providing oxygenated blood to the entire body, an expected long-term result could be general muscular atrophy. He grew skinnier with his ribs protruding more.
Well, one night our fears were realized when Jack couldn't go to sleep due to a cough that forced itself onto him every time he tried to lie down. That night we stood vigil propping him up on both left and right sides of his body because it seemed his cough was at its worst when he was on either side. He got rest that night and actually woke with renewed energy, but we knew it was no way to live for any of us. So we took him in to the vet the next morning to see if we could fix him. Jack came home with a prescription for Lasix and Enalapril.
I'm going to take this moment to digress a bit. To this day, I think back and figure I can pinpoint the time when Jack began to notice, or at least feel the effects of his heart murmur. Since he was young, every fourth of July, Jack would come into whatever room I was in and basically hide for protection. For whatever reason he thought I was going to protect him from the booming sky. Between my mom and me, I was the safety zone whenever something really scared him. He didn't scare that often though. However, not long after he was diagnosed with it, Jack began to come into my room uncharacteristically, and crawl into my bed space where he would hide for some time. My guess is that whatever discomfort he was feeling by the changes in his body, brought him to me, looking for help, or protection.
Well they either screwed up, or his condition rapidly, and I mean rapidly worsened. Within a week that cough became regular, very pronounced, and even attained the telltale sound that indicated fluid was now an issue. By this point his daily energy had already been slowly declining, but a supplement (called The Missing Link by Designing Health, Inc.) had temporarily reversed that pattern; when the fluid hit his lungs, he would get the zombie nod (where his head would bob, eyes half closed), his energy level shot into the floor.
Additionally, since his murmur's onset, his rib cage has gotten wider and he quickly lost muscle mass, causing his bones to protrude more. You see, when the heart loses efficiency, it has to work harder to meet its quota of keeping the body alive; as a result of the constant overworking the heart does to compensate, it swells to an abnormal size and from this a whole bunch of problems arise. I'm not a doctor, but I assume as your heart falls behind in its task of providing oxygenated blood to the entire body, an expected long-term result could be general muscular atrophy. He grew skinnier with his ribs protruding more.
Well, one night our fears were realized when Jack couldn't go to sleep due to a cough that forced itself onto him every time he tried to lie down. That night we stood vigil propping him up on both left and right sides of his body because it seemed his cough was at its worst when he was on either side. He got rest that night and actually woke with renewed energy, but we knew it was no way to live for any of us. So we took him in to the vet the next morning to see if we could fix him. Jack came home with a prescription for Lasix and Enalapril.
Canine Heart Murmur (part 1).
Canine heart murmur is a rare and difficult disease to handle. Information on it is very hard to find, and so I write this to share what little I know of this largely untreatable condition.
I have this amazing dog, and his name is Jack. He is a mutt, mixed with at least half German Shepherd, and I think a Whippet. For almost his entire life, he was known for his energy, health, and handsomeness. He's been kept at the right weight his whole life, and walked 3 times a week for the last 2.5 years.
Well, about 5 months ago he was diagnosed with a little problem called a heart murmur.
As it has been classified, there are 6 stages to a heart murmur: 1 being the mildest, and 6 being the worst case scenario. A heart murmur is basically an irregular sound in the heart beat, as far as I am aware of, it's a symptom of a bad chamber, or valve: that is, as the heart pumps blood, one of the valves is not sealing off properly. This allows for semi bi-directional blood flow to occur in the affected chamber which is bad. Each chamber is designed for either an in-flow of blood, or an out flow, and if a chamber designed for one direction is allowing another, than the heart begins to lose efficiency.
When he was diagnosed, Jack had a level 3 heart murmur, which isn't so bad: it's the last stage before you have to start worrying. 4, 5, and 6 are the advanced stages. We were basically told to go home and monitor his living. For the first month all was fairly normal. He showed nothing beyond normal aging signs: Jack is a 13 year-old, midsized dog: 45 pounds healthy (and still very fit and youthful for his age).
I will end part 1 of Canine Heart Murmur at about 6 weeks from Jack's diagnosis; this period is chosen because it seems to mark his journey into the later phase of his life, what looks to be the last stage. We noticed a very uncomfortable, hollow sounding cough begin to show itself occasionally. At 6 weeks, when this cough persisted, we took him to the vet. They X-rayed his chest and got "specialists" involved, and they concluded that basically the cough may have been allergy related, as there was no seen fluid buildup in his lungs (one of the common symptoms of heart murmurs). However he was bumped up to a stage 4 murmur. This minor consolation did not last long.
I have this amazing dog, and his name is Jack. He is a mutt, mixed with at least half German Shepherd, and I think a Whippet. For almost his entire life, he was known for his energy, health, and handsomeness. He's been kept at the right weight his whole life, and walked 3 times a week for the last 2.5 years.
Well, about 5 months ago he was diagnosed with a little problem called a heart murmur.
As it has been classified, there are 6 stages to a heart murmur: 1 being the mildest, and 6 being the worst case scenario. A heart murmur is basically an irregular sound in the heart beat, as far as I am aware of, it's a symptom of a bad chamber, or valve: that is, as the heart pumps blood, one of the valves is not sealing off properly. This allows for semi bi-directional blood flow to occur in the affected chamber which is bad. Each chamber is designed for either an in-flow of blood, or an out flow, and if a chamber designed for one direction is allowing another, than the heart begins to lose efficiency.
When he was diagnosed, Jack had a level 3 heart murmur, which isn't so bad: it's the last stage before you have to start worrying. 4, 5, and 6 are the advanced stages. We were basically told to go home and monitor his living. For the first month all was fairly normal. He showed nothing beyond normal aging signs: Jack is a 13 year-old, midsized dog: 45 pounds healthy (and still very fit and youthful for his age).
I will end part 1 of Canine Heart Murmur at about 6 weeks from Jack's diagnosis; this period is chosen because it seems to mark his journey into the later phase of his life, what looks to be the last stage. We noticed a very uncomfortable, hollow sounding cough begin to show itself occasionally. At 6 weeks, when this cough persisted, we took him to the vet. They X-rayed his chest and got "specialists" involved, and they concluded that basically the cough may have been allergy related, as there was no seen fluid buildup in his lungs (one of the common symptoms of heart murmurs). However he was bumped up to a stage 4 murmur. This minor consolation did not last long.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving Catch Up.
It seems over the last few weeks I've fallen behind in many things in my life. Let's have a list.
1. Getting a Job. I was supposed to get this one done before Kat got out here (Sept 15th give or take a couple), but I've failed pretty miserably at that one.
2. Keeping up with my online classes (PHP, and Ruby). Each class gives you two weeks from the release date to use the discussion area dedicated to it to ask any questions one might have. Of course I screwed that pooch pretty sourly. Plus Ruby is a lot more challenging to learn than I anticipated.
3. Working on my Grandfather's websites (dockspace411.com, and docks411.com). No specific deadline has been set to this one, but it's definitely something I've been unable to put any time into.
4. My internship with Ryan (my cousin's husband, and girlfriend's cousin/my friend). Perhaps one of the biggest regrets I have. I sorta finished what I said I would finish, but mostly not really. 3 competitor analysis sheets were supposed to have been turned in and fixed. As of now, three first drafts have been completed. There is much more improvement to go before they can be called complete, but I haven't had enough time for this yet.
These are the must-dos, and surprisingly every one of them is connected, in some way, to another. Perhaps this is why it was so easy to fall behind with all of them. I think the biggest issue is the undefined nature of trying to find a job. There's really no way to know when to stop in order to make some room for doing the other activities, so it ends up being this endless/semi-hopeless/totally degrading process.
Now for the Want-to-dos:
1. Write my novel.
2. Write for Associated Content/Triond (poor triond, I've neglected them so much more than I wanted to).
3. Write here, on my Blog.
Notice a trend? Yeah, it's no secret that I like to write. Today is a rare day where I'm semi-provided the opportunity to do just that. And so here I am. In this case, the numbers indicate order of importance, but I am here doing the third, instead of the 1st because it is the one that requires the least amount of dedicated time.
I have such plans for my novel, which I think will turn out great once I have some more time to give it, and even though Associated Content tends to reject upfront payments, even for articles that I think deserve much more than residual, it's a system that I enjoyed putting effort into. I liked having a portfolio. Triond is equally as interesting , but given my unavailability for Associated Content, I don't have the resources to stretch into Triond. If only I could be paid to write on a sustainable wage.
Let's not even list the fact that I can't really afford to buy anything for myself.
Now, in all fairness it is Thanksgiving and I won't dishonor the spirit of this day by just listing the things that are kind of getting me down. I have tons to be thankful for. List master:
1. A roof over my head.
2. A wonderful girlfriend close by.
3. A mom that cares about me.
4. A grandfather that is trying to give me a job.
5. The health of my friends and family.
6. Most importantly for this Thanksgiving, Jack.
My good Jack is running on his last legs, so it's an absolute relief to have him here with us still. It's going to be incredibly hard to let him go when his time comes, but for now, he's with us and I'm so happy because of it. I'm actually glad that I have this list and honestly, it alone gives me more than enough reasons to go on. Unfortunately I can't say it has the same effect for this entry, for "dinner" is about to be served.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there, especially those who need it.
More than many nights DTC,
Addison.
1. Getting a Job. I was supposed to get this one done before Kat got out here (Sept 15th give or take a couple), but I've failed pretty miserably at that one.
2. Keeping up with my online classes (PHP, and Ruby). Each class gives you two weeks from the release date to use the discussion area dedicated to it to ask any questions one might have. Of course I screwed that pooch pretty sourly. Plus Ruby is a lot more challenging to learn than I anticipated.
3. Working on my Grandfather's websites (dockspace411.com, and docks411.com). No specific deadline has been set to this one, but it's definitely something I've been unable to put any time into.
4. My internship with Ryan (my cousin's husband, and girlfriend's cousin/my friend). Perhaps one of the biggest regrets I have. I sorta finished what I said I would finish, but mostly not really. 3 competitor analysis sheets were supposed to have been turned in and fixed. As of now, three first drafts have been completed. There is much more improvement to go before they can be called complete, but I haven't had enough time for this yet.
These are the must-dos, and surprisingly every one of them is connected, in some way, to another. Perhaps this is why it was so easy to fall behind with all of them. I think the biggest issue is the undefined nature of trying to find a job. There's really no way to know when to stop in order to make some room for doing the other activities, so it ends up being this endless/semi-hopeless/totally degrading process.
Now for the Want-to-dos:
1. Write my novel.
2. Write for Associated Content/Triond (poor triond, I've neglected them so much more than I wanted to).
3. Write here, on my Blog.
Notice a trend? Yeah, it's no secret that I like to write. Today is a rare day where I'm semi-provided the opportunity to do just that. And so here I am. In this case, the numbers indicate order of importance, but I am here doing the third, instead of the 1st because it is the one that requires the least amount of dedicated time.
I have such plans for my novel, which I think will turn out great once I have some more time to give it, and even though Associated Content tends to reject upfront payments, even for articles that I think deserve much more than residual, it's a system that I enjoyed putting effort into. I liked having a portfolio. Triond is equally as interesting , but given my unavailability for Associated Content, I don't have the resources to stretch into Triond. If only I could be paid to write on a sustainable wage.
Let's not even list the fact that I can't really afford to buy anything for myself.
Now, in all fairness it is Thanksgiving and I won't dishonor the spirit of this day by just listing the things that are kind of getting me down. I have tons to be thankful for. List master:
1. A roof over my head.
2. A wonderful girlfriend close by.
3. A mom that cares about me.
4. A grandfather that is trying to give me a job.
5. The health of my friends and family.
6. Most importantly for this Thanksgiving, Jack.
My good Jack is running on his last legs, so it's an absolute relief to have him here with us still. It's going to be incredibly hard to let him go when his time comes, but for now, he's with us and I'm so happy because of it. I'm actually glad that I have this list and honestly, it alone gives me more than enough reasons to go on. Unfortunately I can't say it has the same effect for this entry, for "dinner" is about to be served.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there, especially those who need it.
More than many nights DTC,
Addison.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Change is Good...
Since I've last written here on Blogger, much has happened. But I have to say, for a while, while I was not writing on the web, things were a bit of a drag.
However I am happy to report, that I am back for the time being. I was off on a web site building project, and now that it is near launch, I am ready to return to the old flow of things. I already submitted an article to AC, and am looking forward to getting back on the old job search.
Yesterday, though slightly disastrous, was my one year anniversary with Kat. It was good to be with her, though it seemed the monetary world wanted to test the bonds of our relationship. She's amazing though.
My great grandmother is going to die in a few days. She's in a coma. I'm not sure about how this is going to work out, cause I'd like to see her and the family before it happens. It would be a shame to not. From the sounds of it, she's already gone, but it would be nice to say good bye one more time, to the closest thing that I have to her--even if I never really knew her that well.
Alas, it's really late, as is the usual tradition for my posts here. I must sleep. I'll try to cover the past couple of weeks in the next article or two, but if i don't get to it, don't shoot me.
Many nights DTC,
Addison.
However I am happy to report, that I am back for the time being. I was off on a web site building project, and now that it is near launch, I am ready to return to the old flow of things. I already submitted an article to AC, and am looking forward to getting back on the old job search.
Yesterday, though slightly disastrous, was my one year anniversary with Kat. It was good to be with her, though it seemed the monetary world wanted to test the bonds of our relationship. She's amazing though.
My great grandmother is going to die in a few days. She's in a coma. I'm not sure about how this is going to work out, cause I'd like to see her and the family before it happens. It would be a shame to not. From the sounds of it, she's already gone, but it would be nice to say good bye one more time, to the closest thing that I have to her--even if I never really knew her that well.
Alas, it's really late, as is the usual tradition for my posts here. I must sleep. I'll try to cover the past couple of weeks in the next article or two, but if i don't get to it, don't shoot me.
Many nights DTC,
Addison.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Muramasa!
Wow. After 2 long years of crappy Wii games, I finally got one worth my money, and my time. Muramasa. It makes a great blend of thighs, breasts, butts, blades, and action. Beautiful art work, and fairly in depth playing.
On the other hand, I need to make more progress with PHP, that's moving much slower than I would like for it to, partly due to muramasa, and partly due to Kat's impending arrival. The intense anticipation of her being here is very distracting. This is why I'm going to keep this short. Going back to work now.
Many nights DTC,
Addison.
On the other hand, I need to make more progress with PHP, that's moving much slower than I would like for it to, partly due to muramasa, and partly due to Kat's impending arrival. The intense anticipation of her being here is very distracting. This is why I'm going to keep this short. Going back to work now.
Many nights DTC,
Addison.
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