Some Christmases just aren't for everyone...

What can I say. This is looking like it's going to be a joyless Christmas for me. Not too unlike the way last Christmas was.

Part of me wants to list the contributing factors to my current mood, but I don't feel like it'll help. I don't feel like reiterating the ugly. That leaves me with a dilemma; I don't know what I do want to say.

I will try making a little fiction.

I live in a world where everyone puts in their bests efforts. Maybe even one where the best efforts are rewarded appropriately. Perhaps by a pretty woman, or even a neutral looking one, named Justice. She is not accustomed to dealing punishments, even though she has the ability to, and she is always working behind the scenes of our very human lives.

Returning back to the world and its people. Thinking is not detested, certainly not ignored for long periods of time. This brings back the notion of everyone giving their best. Absenteeism is certainly not outlawed, but it's a sort of taboo. One where even the embracing of it, can only be accepted with utter awareness of its existence.

Now once lending our eyes to the world behind the scenes of life, we meet a fellow by the name of Chance. He's one to give every man a shot at happiness, independently of other men. Some may take, and some may not, but it must certainly be provided everyone gets to choose, by Chance's standards.

Back to people: men and women. This is a world where each and every one of them accepts what is, and either resists it, or when that's futile (a decision arrived at through preconsideration and good judgment), they embrace the next opportunity. Especially because all of us know Chance is working hard behind the scenes, and eventually he will get to you too. Just as he did before; to you and to many others. Isn't it great, that what comes next is all we need to be happy?

If I lived in such a world, I might die of happiness. Sadness is a healthy emotion to experience. But how long can an absence of happiness (not the same as sadness) be sustained, before sadness becomes one. I have been without happiness for a while now, but I know deep down, I am not the same kind of sad that I once was. Part of me, though, is afraid of the long-term side effects of being empty of happiness...